Understanding Co-dependency

Co-dependency is often referred to by psychology as a “Delayed Stress Syndrome”  and can be defined as an addiction to people, behaviours or things.

This co-dependency enables a person to shift from their own identity which they can not accept, into another person or an addictive behaviour, as a way of denying who they believe themselves to be.

Co-dependency is like being at war with yourself

Lets begin by understanding how co-dependency happens

All children are born with the need to be loved, accepted, nurtured, protected, affirmed and guided.   More often than not, and particularly in a dysfunctional family these needs go unmet. When a child grows up without all or some of these important needs meet, they grow with a sense of incompleteness and emptiness exists inside.

child sad

How co-dependent relationships are formed

Without our basic needs being met as a child, an adult can be left with a continuous and overpowering need for something outside of them to complete them or make them feel whole. For some people the addiction or distraction from their feelings of lack become transferred into a  relationship.  When this occurs there is a need for enmeshment with the person within the relationship and a co-dependency is formed.  The person can not accept themselves for who they believe they are, and so need to co-exist within a relationship in order to create a feeling of wholeness, even when the relationship is destructive or abusive.


Why does this happen ?

As mentioned above the unconscious mind is in constant search for that which they did not receive as a child, and so often the person doesn’t know what that is. So they choose what they have seen, what they have experienced and what they learned to be right.  Therefore the destructive cycle can continue on.

Typical circumstances for creating co-dependency behaviour:

  • Alcohol or drug addicted parents
  • Parent has a mental illness
  • There is violence or rage in the home
  • Parents suffered from depression
  • Child experienced abandonment or neglect
  • Incest or sexual abuse or trauma
  • Parent constantly fighting
  • Dad ignoring child because he is a workaholic
  • Mother smoothing the child because she has no identity other than being a mother
  • Receiving abuse from one parent without the other parent defending the child
  • Having only one parent
  • Child having to take sides with parent
  • Physical, mental or emotional abuse from either or both parents

Sanctuary Trauma – Feeling unsafe everywhere !

abuse 5

Our home is supposed to be a safe place to grow up in, however for so many people it is more like a battle ground.   This creates  “sanctuary trauma”.

The trauma of feeling unsafe in our own home growing up makes it difficult to feel safe any where.

What happens to our self worth growing up in a battle ground ?

  • Child’s sense of self was discounted
  • Child’s perceptions invalidated
  • Child’s feelings ignored or discredited

What does this leave the child/adult feeling ?

  • I am not lovable
  • There is something wrong with me
  • I don’t deserve to be loved
  • I am not worthy
  • I am a failure
  • I am not good enough
  • I am not enough
  • I am not whole or complete
  • I am full of shame
  • I am afraid of being abandoned
  • I am rotten to the core
  • I am a bad person

The  original household dysfunction creates a new trauma, the denial of self and this creates further self abuse :

  • Anxiety & Depression
  • Alcohol and drug abuse
  • Night terrors
  • Uncontrollable rages
  • Inability to hold down jobs
  • Abusive and or co-dependent relationships

Self destructive survival of  suffering

The adult is now living in a constant state of pain, blame, shame and self abuse. The abusive behaviour and negative self talk rules the life of the victim and a vicious cycle continues. Over time breaking this cycle becomes very difficult without help.

There is hope !

Fortunately we can all heal and take control over how we live!


How I can help you !untitled

Breaking the self destructive habits, behaviors and thoughts begins by recognizing this was not your fault.  That the way others treated you growing up was not because of who you were, but rather who they were.

Changing the subconscious mind !

When the subconscious begins to understand that you are a  lovable, deserving human being, with the right to be happy, things can begin to change for you.

When you experience counselling and hypnotherapy with me, you can begin to create those positive changes within the subconscious mind, these changes will enable you experience a greater sense of self worth, self love and self acceptance.

By filling the empty space inside with a sense of wholeness and you can set yourself free from your past and fully embrace yourself, your life and real sense of happiness begins.

Call Donna today on 0424 300 678 to begin the process of change for you.

You deserve it………………………..

feel good

To understand more about over coming addiction click below……

Click for more details!

Hypnotherapy, Psychotherapy, Counselling, Reiki, EMDR,Past Life Regression, QHHT, Shamanic Healing, Energy Healing, Meditation Classes